Today was one of those days where I couldn't really explain what I was feeling.
I wasn't simply sad.
I wasn't simply scared.
It was a weird mix of everything. Confusion. Fear. Guilt. Loneliness. Overthinking. 🫠
My mind just wouldn't stop.
One thought would come, then another, then another… and suddenly I was stuck inside my own head.
“What if I’m making everything worse?” “What if I hurt someone I care about?” “What if things don't go back to how they were?”
I didn't even know which thought was real anymore.
There was this strange feeling of being unwanted too.
Not because someone directly told me that I was unwanted, but because sometimes your mind creates feelings that feel completely real.
And when you're already tired, those feelings hit harder.
For a while, I genuinely felt like I should sacrifice everything.
My peace.
Things that matter to me.
Things I've worked for.
Just because I wanted someone I care about to be okay.
“Mama ain wela hari meka solve karanna puluwanda?”
That thought stayed in my head for a while.
But somewhere between all that confusion, I realized something.
I was trying to make a permanent decision while experiencing a temporary storm.
And maybe I didn't need to decide everything today.
Maybe I just needed to breathe.
Maybe I needed to stop thinking for a moment.
Maybe I needed to remember that one difficult day doesn't define everything.
Eventually, I talked.
I listened.
I was heard.
And somehow, that heavy feeling started becoming a little lighter. 🫂
Nothing magically became perfect.
But my mind wasn't screaming anymore.
And honestly, sometimes that's enough.
I'm still learning how to deal with these kinds of days.
Some days I'm strong.
Some days I'm completely lost.
Some days I overthink everything until my brain is exhausted. 😭
But I think that's part of growing up.
You don't always know what you're doing.
You just learn, slowly.
You fall apart a little.
You put yourself back together.
And you keep going. ❤️
Today reminded me that it's okay to have a day where you don't feel okay.
It's okay to be confused.
It's okay to feel scared.
It's okay to not have all the answers.
You don't have to solve your entire life in one night.
Sometimes you just have to survive the moment…
take a breath…
and let tomorrow come. 🌙
Maybe tomorrow will feel a little lighter.
And for tonight, that's enough. 🥺🫶